Book Report #2 Grace, not Perfection

       

           So I'm currently sitting in my lunch room at work, 15 min before my shift starts, sipping my coffee and JUST finished this book. Let me start by saying this was on my reading list, but not nessecarily in cue. I was looking for a different book when I was having my me time (glorious glorious me time). This was in the discount area, and since it was on my list, I scooped it up. I absolutely devoured this book. I absolutely love it, and it's not like a read it once type book. It's one that I will definitely fall back on again and again.

          The book is written by an entrepreneur, mother/wife, Christian, and is basically exactly what I needed in my life in the season I was in (book lingo te he). I feel like the very best time to read this book is when you become a mom, or are about to. The book gets you to stop chasing the unobtainable goal of perfection, and embrace the chaos. It has interactive points too, that I plan on going back to do now that I have read the book. It may have even made me think of renaming this blog and starting a new project as well.

            Not for a second do I think this book is for all. I feel like there are things that you can relate to, but better as a mother. Also there is a lot of faith along the way, so if that's not your cup of tea, you may find yourself rolling your eyes. 

          I found comfort, peace, and contentment in this book, and absolutely love it. Book report complete.

          K, Luv ya, Bye!

          Nancy

         So, we just went clothes shopping for Jake. There were some great sales on for the long weekend, and we had some fun. Here's why this is relevant. #1, It is actually one of the first times we've had to. We have been exceptionally blessed by friends and family who have come bearing gifts and kept us escorting a sharp dressed little man out of the house. I sat down and gave it some thought what I wanted his summer wardrobe to look like and found awesome deals.

         #2 He's got his own personality and tastes now, so when I show him an article of clothing, I get a reaction...the shorts weren't terribly exciting to him, however there was a real hoodie that got a big reaction, and the paw patrol t shirts? Forget about it.

         So this was our exciting adventure today. How are you enjoying  your long weekend?

       K, luv ya, bye!
     
       Nancy

       

Now I'm not stealing his thunder

     

  I have wanted to do this post for about a month. I have waited because my husband has changed jobs, and I wanted to just gush about him, but I left it so he could announce it first. Now that he has, let's open the floodgates.

          Let me start by saying he worked his Las job for almost 12 years. In that time he played the role of the steady paycheck. Meanwhile I worked toward my career, got my career, fought for my career, got laid off, started a new career, went on maternity leave and have since returned to work...it's his turn ( not to say I'm not still moving forward with what I'm doing,  but this isn't about me).

         My husband recognized the hamster wheel we were stuck in, and put himself out there to improve our lives. What's more, he genuinely seems happy, exhausted, but happy. I can't begin to express how proud and thankful I am for him and all his hard work and love he has for our little family.

         Cale is my person, in every sense of the term, and I am incredibly blessed to have him in such a pivotal role in my life.

       K, Luv ya, bye!
       Nancy

Biggest Mistake I Made on Maternity Leave

         

          It's confession time. Since hindsight is 20/20, I can now look back on my maternity leave and realize what my BIGGEST mistake was.

          So, I feel like I'm not alone in what my expectations where. I thought I'd be on leave, I would accomplish so much around my house, I could do some of the things I wanted to do for me, and it would be great. At first, this was all true...then Jake was born. Suddenly, I'm trying to get stuff done, get enough sleep, successfully breastfeed, successfully get him to sleep, and it was overwhelming and exhausting, and I gave up on accomplishing ANYTHING. THAT was my biggest mistake.

          So absolutely, in the beginning, I should have taken a deep breath, and accepted that my laundry was piling up, clean, but not folded, and napped when I needed to. But, I fell complacent, and house bound and thought how much effort it would take to get stuff done and keep Jake happy, or god forbid, leave the house with the baby solo. I rarely left the house without Cale, and drive? NOPE! I think up until about a month ago, I drove maybe 7 times in 2 years.

         Well life recently smacked me in the face and reminded me to wake up! I'm an adult, and need to get my crap done. Does it take longer to clean my house? Absolutely, I have a 1yr old to keep checking on if I don't hear his baby shark toy singing, or I'm being chased hearing "mum mum mum" behind me. But I CAN do it. Driving? I'm driving the car and taking the car to work, which sounds small, but it was like NEVER parked in my work parking lot before. I also drive with the most precious cargo to me giving me stink eye from the backseat (no pressure).

         All of this may sound SO small and insignificant to some, but I feel like I'm starting to be my own human again, not exclusively a caregiver (a role I love, but not the only role I want to play). So in conclusion, biggest mistake I made was under estimating myself.

        K, Luv ya, Bye!

        Nancy

Jake is independent, but is Mommy?

   

    I can't begin to tell you how many times I've thought to myself, " if I had just a little time at home without Jake around I could get stuff done". Well I dropped Jake off at the sitter about 2 hours ago, so I didn't mess with his schedule...know what I've done? Miss Jake! Seriously, there are times where I groan and say, "dude, 5 min, please"...I had 2 hours, and actually cried at one point. I would say, this is probably the first time I've been alone in the house (excluding miss independent, Alice) since he was born...and it's blowing my mind.

         I suddenly felt like I took our time together for granted, and I would love to tell you, this experience will change me, and I will treasure every last second, but let's be real here. It does make me smile, because it shows me I genuinely adore being around the kid, so much, I can't even Express. I do have to say, yes he loves being with me too, but I love his independence too. When I dropped him off this morning, he sat smiling and waving for me to leave. I guess this is a gushing post really. There you have it, I love my kid, and his personality is incredible.

         It's seriously a good thing I've figured out how to do stuff WITH him, because I'm way less productive without.

       K, luv ya, bye!
       Nancy

Date Night

       

         Can I just say how ridiculous the price of going to the movies is? I remember being told how crazy it was when I was a kid...but if I had $10, I got in and got my large refillable popcorn. That doesn't cover my ticket now. This said, between my scene points, and a Christmas gift card, we saw Captain Marvel last night and had a medium pop and a small popcorn. Why is this blog worthy? Well for one, I haven't blogged in a while. Between going back to work and Jake's first Birthday party, blogging has disappeared a tad. The second reason, Cale and I got our first date since Jake was born. Our last one was just before he was born and we saw Black Panther.

         Captain Marvel was awesome  and the soundtrack was a huge dose of nostalgia, especially if you were a girl in the 90's. My Brother and Sister in-law have been visiting, and stayed with and put Jake to bed last night (first time anyone outside of us has done bedtime) and in true Jake fashion, everything was fine. Makes me hope we don't go another year before another date night.

A Morning Routine

     

           A week from today I return to work, and I'm attempting to get myself into a routine. Long gone are the days of getting up a half hour before I have to leave. I may have mentioned I was trying before, but honestly I had more desire to sleep than get up and get ready, so I 100% spent days in my pajamas. Today however I reminded myself of when I used to cover the morning show at the radio station and how I needed a week to get used to this. So after laying in bed wanting to go back to sleep after my alarm, I got my butt out of bed.

          I did zero of my night before prep work that I 100% intend to do to make my life easier when I go back, which is part of why I'm focused on just me today...in the coming weeks, Jake will be up at this point (7am). What sucks SO much is he used to always get up at 6am, and then in the last month, he started sleeping past 7:30. I did 3 years of high school where I was supposed to be up at 6, and it was a struggle every day for 3 years...who knew having a kid could get me used to a 6am alarm...and now he sleeps in later than me. Honestly though I'm thankful for the consistency, because I feel more comfortable when I'm on a routine.

       This morning I was able to workout, get makeup and hair done get dressed and have a HOT coffee...that doesn't happen.

        The sleeping prince wakes early today! Gotta go!

        K, Luv Ya, Bye!

         Nancy

Mom Shame and Unsolicited Advice

   

So yesterday, I think I was mom shamed...or at the very least, I was dealing with a troll. I commented on a friend of mine's post, where they were excited they were able to nurse longer with their second child than their first. This is a big deal, and anyone who has ever nursed, long or short term, know this. If you have seen any of my posts recently, you know I'm headed back to work soon, and Jake is weaned. I shared this, because that's what we moms do, share our experiences...

       Suddenly it was pointed out to me, I absolutely could have continued nursing, just when I was home. So for me, this seems a little chaotic, and Jake is thriving with solids. Keeping that going, the cons outweigh the pros, for me anyway. But it became this back and forth, which I eventually just stopped bothering to reply to. Instead I messaged the person who did the orginal post, and apologized that this back and forth was taking away from her accomplishments.

         Here is what we all need to remember, unsolicited advice to a mom, if it's actually mom shaming or not, is typically not taken well. I know I have on more than one occasion gotten angry because some one told me how to do something with Jake, when I never asked for input. As moms we can be defensive of our parenting. If it's meant maliciously or not, it can come off as an attack.

       Pretty sure I did a post lla while back on mom shaming, so not delving into that today. Just remember, yes  moms have a lot of questions...but we need to wait for the question, before we give an answer.

         K, Luv Ya, Bye!

Book Report #1 Lena Dunham's, Not that Kind of Girl

       

  I decided when I finished my books I would do a book report here on my blog. Prior to going out and purchasing new additions to my library, I had a look at what I already owned and had committed to reading. So the first book was Lena Dunham's not that kind of girl, and I should have read it when I bought it. It's the kind of book I would recommend to a 22 year old who goes out on the weekends, not so much a 32 year old whose idea of a great Saturday night includes pajamas. The book was well written, I enjoy the way Lena Dunham speaks, and would love to read a book she would write now, but some of the stuff I had to wade through, made me not miss being in my 20's at all.

         That being said there were topics brought up, that in today's post Harvey Weinstein scandal society, that would probably not have been treated so casually, and some things celebrated more.

         I found the chapters on sexual discovery vulgar, and cringed realizing how old I've gotten, because that 22 year old inside me would have gobbled it up and not batted an eye.

          My verdict, as the box progressed and our narrator grew, I felt more at home, less like I was watching a somewhat cautionary tale. I wouldn't recommend this to my friend down the street, but maybe to her younger cousin fresh out of high school.

        K, Luv Ya, Bye!

        Nancy

Why I didn't Wait...

         

          So I guess the typical norm when you get pregnant is to wait 12 weeks to announce the pregnancy, in case you lose the baby. Well making it Facebook official, we did wait, and we SORT OF waited a bit with others, not because we meant to, but because I was further along than we thought. But I feel like the logic behind "don't tell, because you might lose the baby", is seriously flawed. I don't mean to stomp on you if that's what you were comfortable doing, but I don't know that I could have. I told work right away, so they would understand if I had to run off the floor to be sick ( luckily I only got sick a couple times), or something happened, and I did have to go to the hospital within what I THOUGHT was the first 4 weeks (it was actually like 8).

           I love to start this story with, do you remember the big phone outage in the summer of 2017? Two thirds of the providers in Atlantic canada were down, and I don't just mean cell phones, land lines too...that's the day I was at work and worried I was having a miscarriage. Luckily, I work across the parking lot from where Cale works. They tend to move a little faster at the hospital when you say "I'm pregnant" (faster when they see the evidence, and if you say "i'm going to labour and delivery, you jump to the front of the line).

            Needless to say, I didn't have a miscarriage, what's more they got my first appointment moved up, AND brought in a cheapy ultrasound machine (in comparison only I'm sure), and told me where we were we probably wouldn't see anything. This is where we found out I was further along because I fought back tears when I saw his little heartbeat (I actually cried when I heard it the first time).

             So here is why I told people. If we'd gone in and they said, "yup, you lost the baby", that would have devastated me. It seems all too often society tells us to suffer in silence, and for some  maybe that works. But we've also started shining a light on why it really doesn't too. I couldn't have suffered in silence. I can't say for sure what the extent of the damage would've been, but it would have been bad. This is why, even if I had 15 kids, I wouldn't keep it quiet. I would tell people, quietly, and my way before it was broadcast for all to see on Facebook, but I would share it.

         K, Luv Ya, Bye

         Nancy

To Be there for Jake, I have to work on Me!

         

Getting my Super suit ready 

          All routines have to start somewhere right? I am weeks away from returning to work, and routine seems to be the buzz word around here. I've always tried for something resembling a routine with Jake, but it's always had to be flexible, because the first year has so many wenches it can throw in the works. However the last couple weeks has basically all been about getting us ready for when I go back to work. Most of the focus has been on Jake, when in reality, both Cale and I have some adjustments too. 

          I took a step back the other night and thought, what do I want MY life to look like when I return to work? Looking at myself isn't really something I have been doing in the last 10 months. I have always covered Jake, and when there was time I would shower, or eat, or get dressed. Somehow I don't see work being okay with me showing up in the sweats I put on two days ago, and my hair looking like...well how it did a couple days ago.

          So I evaluated, and one thing I want is to be able to work during the day, and come home and spend my evening with Jake. On days I work, I'm going to see him for about 4 hours...I'd like the time to be quality. For my energy to go up, I have to do something I have neglected for months and take better care of myself. Pleased to say in the last week, I have exercised 4 out of 6 days (the other 2 I was in recovery). The problem is it was mostly during naps...I won't be home for naps...yesterday I got up an hour before I would need to get Jake out of bed on a work day. I got up, exercised, and got myself almost completely ready before getting him out of bed, and it worked SO well. Jake has (knock on wood) started sleeping in later, so his former wake up time of 6am (which I used to struggle with), is the perfect time to get my day started. I still have a little time but, it's all becoming more real, because I've been chatting with work about my return far more frequently here lately.

Reading List Challenge

           

How fair is it? I'm weeks away from returning to work  and I'm just figuring out time management?! I have been thinking on how to keep up my self care habits when I go back to work, so we'll see. I got to thinking today though, I'm working on developments I  several aspects, but I haven't focused a lot on personal development. I actually really enjoy reading...but I can't seem to remember the last book I read cover to cover...I expect it was a walking dead comic... so I took to pinterest and made myself a reading list board. I thought one a month was possible...here is what I came up with.

1. Not that kind of girl by Lena Dunham...honestly my first stop was my bookshelf, and this is an incomplete in my collection. This spoke to me as a 20 something, but i don't know what I'll take away from it as a 32 year old...we'll see.

2. Yes Please by Amy Poehler. This is another incomplete on my shelf, but I feel like it will still be relevant. I love Amy Poehler, she speaks to me so I'm looking forward to it.

3. You Are a Badass by Jen Scincero. I bought this as an ibook a couple years ago, and started reading it during my breaks at work. I just seem to work better with hard copy book. I absorb them better...also I'm android now...so

4. Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy. So I heard about this one from my favorite youtuber, and then it popped up in my book search too, so it found it's way to my list.

5. Radical Self Love by Gala Darling. This was on my search and jumped out at me because I used to check out Gala Darling's website all the time. She has such a wonderful way about her. I remember when she released this book...add to list.

6. Kind is the new Classy by Candice Cameron Bure...perhaps I'm still working the Hallmark Christmas specials out my system, it could also be my Full House nostalgia, but this one is on my list. She as a person fascinates me. I may not agree with everything she publicly speaks on, but I dig hearing what she has to say.

7. Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley. In a world that seems to demand perfection from us as a people, the title alone spoke to  me...the hot pink cover popped out ( I wonder if that was on purpose)

8. How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind by Dana k White. Even when I am on top of everything in my home, I feel like either something is secretly lurking behind a closed door....or everything is about to topple over...yup, sounds good.

9. Start where You Are by Meera Lee Patel. So this is actually an journaling concept book, and I blog, I make lists, I keep notebooks. Journaling seems like a great fit, and prompted journaling makes you dig a little deeper

10. Adventures for your Soul by Shannon Kaiser. This is another one that gets you to take a deeper look at yourself.

11. The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. I think it's safe to say that at some point or another, most of us have believed the opposite to be true. The book is said to help you let go of fear of the unknown...which personally can keep me up at night.

12. The Princess Diariest by Carrie Fisher. While I feel like this book requires no explanation...I also feel like I could give the greatest explanation for this one. I love Star Wars and Princess Leia is my Disney Princess. To this day, my heart breaks knowing Carrie Fisher is no longer in this world. She was outspoken, strong and had a wonderful sense of humor.

        So that's my list. I challenge you to make your own. Pinterest is a great resource for finding the types of books that might speak to you, and to save them for you for the next time you're wondering what to read.

        K, Luv Ya, Bye!
        Nacy

The Last Time

       

 Today was the last time. Back when Cale and I first started dating, I was never having kids...and he used to joke ( I think) that I was a nice queen. I wasn't affectionate, and I never cried. While I think the thaw started before Jake, the plan to nurse him was logical, and economical, not emotional at all. I just thought, my body makes his sustenance, if I could help it, why would I pay for it to come from another source? I wonder where this mindset was this morning when I cried when he finished, smiled at me and said " ah dun"? Because all I could do was bawl my eyes out and hold him.

          Don't get me wrong  part of me is dancing a jig. Breastfeeding was a struggle for me in the beginning, it took 7 weeks for Jake to latch and 8 for him to do it without hurting me. The struggle of trying to always be somewhere private to feed (if you can haul out a boob and go, good on you, I can't). The pumping, the supply issues, that in the night only I could feed him. These are all things, I won't miss.

          This morning all I could think of was the way he looks up at me, or reaches out his hand, or grabs my finger. More recently how he high gives me and when I tell him good job he smiles. Or that last pop off with the "ah dun". Those are the things that went through my head as the tears poured out. It's not our first chapter to end, it's not the first I cried for and it won't be the last...like on either account. Somehow this one hits a little harder and I might do another post or two on the subject.

           K, Luv Ya, Bye
           Nancy

Just part of our busy week

       

Last year this time I had complete tunnel vision. All I could think of was my little man coming in about 2 months (little did I know less than 2). Everything was about getting the nursery ready and packing the hospital bag.  Jake has taught me a lot of things and one of them is to live more in the moment and focus less on what's next...key word being less.

         Needless to say, my mind has gone to little man's first Birthday. I decided to approach it in a similar way I approach Christmas, so I have my to do list and we've started ticking things off.

          Last week, I did some legwork and called around for a hall. Keeping in mind that when you invite one member of a family, you invite them all at this age...the guest list is substantial so a hall is a better call for sure. We're going to look at some this week.

          I'm keeping the menu simple, and approaching the grocery shopping like I do with Christmas grocery shopping, and we handled hotdogs and pop on sale this week. I also grabbed the tableware.

          Jake turned 10 months this past week, hitting double digits made me very aware how much time had passed.

         K, Luv Ya, Bye!

         Nancy.

The Disappearing Nursing Act

    

  I mentioned before that I'm changing the Christmas posts next year, and one of the reasons why is because they become all consuming  and I have other things to talk about on my blog.  This is a post I could have started talking about in early December when we started. I'm talking about weaning.

       This is a topic that I have seriously mixed feelings about. Jake took 7 weeks to latch to nurse, and he stayed there for another three straight. It was a real struggle for me in the beginning, because I felt defeated and then I had pretty severe baby blues...still  or convinced I didn't have ppd. I still found it restrictive at times, but for the same reasons I would have found formula restrictive, frequency.

          Because I am barely over one month away from returning to work, we have been working on weaning a while, and had Jake down to nursing only first thing in the morning, and right before bed  with sessions overnight when needed. We hit this before Christmas, and I just lost it. I sat here one night crying to Cale that I wasn't ready to give up my bedtime feed yet. I won't always be home for bedtime, so I knew I would have to give it up, and I did two nights ago. I will continue on demand over night for now, but during the day, I only have our first thing in the morning session. I still have seriously mixed feelings about this, I miss parts of exclusively breastfeeding, but it's liberating too. Not to mention I love watching Jake learn.

           This is honestly one of the harder milestones for mom, but I'm so proud to watch Jake move forward.

Climbing out of the Chaos

        

          We're trying to reclaim our house from the holiday season, slowly but we're getting there. Cale did an amazing job on our kitchen last night, which was amazing. I felt like the kitchen was eating us alive, and this morning was so easy. Everything was organized, and my coffee maker I got for Christmas had a pot of coffee ready to go still warm from Cale brewing it at 5am.

         Meanwhile, since we spend most of our time in the basement, I've been trying to reclaim it. It was Jake's first Christmas, so I figured we would officially be overrun by toys, and the family did not disappoint. Our old tote didn't contain the collection that was Jake's toys.

          Because neccisty is the mother of invention, I did what most moms would do...I went on pinterest...aka mom porn. What I came up with was two toy bins that slide under the futon, and I  had all of the supplies in my house already.

          A couple of mismatched sheets, a hot glue gun, and the boxes from Halloween we never got rid of and we got these...we still have large toy parking by the pack n play, but the smaller things are contained. Biggest drawback I see with these is Jake leans on them, and I watch them bend. I will likely look into a toybox by March, because we'll be celebrating a birthday then.

After Christmas finds

          

A lot of stores are still trying to clear out of their holiday items, and if you haven't already checked out some of the sales, I so recommend it. We've gotten a few things  and honestly I was shocked when I went into Michael's today at how much out local store has left!

          Let's go back a couple days. We do a lot of our grocery shopping at Walmart  because we get Cale's discount, and I know how easy it is to price match there. Since about October every trip has included a stop in the seasonal department, and our last trip was no exception, the biggest difference was there were about a bajillion Easter egg coloured totes (sorry folks the white stuff has only just begun). We found a tree for $10. Needless to say it has no bells and whistles, and is 4.5ft, but it was what we needed. Having moved into the basement this year, Cale missed a tree in our livingroom window. We had a 2ft tree I had since I was 6 (it owes  me nothing), but next year we can put our 4.5 footer on the table in the window.

          Today, it was Michael's  who have their items 70% off. I love their decorations, but unless I could think of where to put them I wasn't interested.

         My advice at this point in the game, go out with realistic expectations, and be practical. I've seen boots for years, I guess you would call a planter or vase, artificial poinsettias and pics I like to pull apart and use as accents. Now is also a great time to grab lights and garland should you need them. I also spotted the hooks we usually use for hanging the  lights on the house and they were $2...