I'm almost Older than my Mom

         

I'm turning 32 in 5 days, and when I turn 32, I will OFFICIALLY be older than my mother. She died at 31 years old. For years people have told me, "That's so young" and it's hitting me harder than ever this year, and today in particular, because she passed away 27 years ago to the day. 

          I was almost 5 when my mom passed, but there are things I remember about her. I do remember her voice oddly enough, I remember some things we did together and getting in trouble. I remember the day she passed, how dad told me, where I was, and how tight the hug was when I started to cry. 

         As I said this year it hits me harder, not just because I will be older than my mom, but because I became a mom this year. My heart aches for the pain she must have felt in the end, and I'm not talking about the cancer. I mean knowing what she would miss with Peter and I. I looked at it selfishly for years. My Mom missed my Birthday, my prom, my Wedding...but my Mom SO wanted to be there, and my heart aches for her now. On top of EVERYTHING she was going through, she was having to say goodbye to us. I see pictures of her with me, and the love she had, and I get it now. I hope I'm giving the same thing to Jake. 

         I've shed so many tears over the years for my Mom, I'm not crying now, I'm aching for her. 27 years, that's a lot she missed.

       -Nancy 

Blogging about Blogging

         

           I've been having a hard time finding time, and topics to blog about. Cale has been off for the last week and Jake has had some new experiences.

          One thing that started was Jake is on solids now. Cereal is very popular, and we have mixed it with Sweet potatoes so far which was a so so experience. I think he prefers his cereal to mixed with the sweet potatoes. Today we try apples.

          We've also been dog sitting and our friends have a swing that is perfect for Jake to lay in and we just swing him around, he loved it.

          I've been working kind of behind the scenes on the blog, things I might like to post about. One major thing of course is we're JUST over a month away from my Christmas planning series starting, which means my preparation for it is underway. This will be my third year doing this series, and it has been vastly different between years. My first year, OUR focus was our first Christmas in our new house. Not to mention there was VERY little organization, preparation, and I really had no idea what I was doing. Last year, I was preggo, so my physical capabilities were limited. A lot more prep, organization, and I had an idea what I was doing, I was just ALWAYS so tired. This year is Jake's first Christmas. I have EVERY post scheduled, and even started on some of the prepping and basic notes for the posts. Once again Cale will be playing a MAJOR role in all of it, and so will Jake not prepping but promise he will be in there. Honestly the exciting part for us will be watching his reactions to different aspects (for me, the tree will be a BIG one).

         When I have made mention of the Christmas posts, I've mentioned that while I post new posts on Facebook, on both my personal and fan page, this year I have offered to post directly to YOUR facebook page, so you never miss a post. I only have a few names that have asked to be included on this list, but if you would like to be included let me know.


        K, Luv Ya, Bye

        Nancy


       

Look What I Found!

         I woke up this morning, and it was a 3 coffees before noon type of day. I woke up tired, grumpy, and needed all of the help I could get. On top of all of this, of course we're still working on the skunking. We have the living room and Jake's room done, as well as a ton of laundry (because yes EVERYTHING needs to be washed). Also the dog is acting out lately, so that's fun too, trying to get to the bottom of that. By the time this evening rolled around, I was kind of a mess, like last time I was feeling this down, I was dealing with Baby Blues. 

         There are a few things I do that I know will cheer me up, and one thing is going to Michael's especially this time of year. I love checking out all of the fall stuff, and the last time I was there the Halloween stuff wasn't out, so it was cool to see that stuff. This year seems to be the year of the Witch themed decor. 

         Then there is of course my PERSONAL highlight, the stuff I was waiting a couple more weeks for, but has started to creep in. The Christmas stuff. Just a few ribbons, and wreath parts, but enough to brighten my evening. 1 month and 16 days until my Christmas blog series starts! 

       K, Luv Ya, Bye

        Nancy 

The Great Skunking of 2018

         

         
         Thanks for tuning stopping by, and hearing the story of the great skunking of 2018...yup, you read that right...skunking. So, Friday night, as I was doing a feed with Jake, Cale took Alice out, and all I heard was him shout, ALICE, GET BACK HERE! Well this post isn't called the NEAR skunking of 2018, so guess what happened. Well it was dark, late, and we had no option, Alice HAD to come in the house. As a result, our house got skunked too, and we're currently in the midst of let's say repair.

         Let me start by saying, there are a couple positives here.

#1, Alice is ok. When your dog gets skunked, you are online reading a LOT of crap, and it could have been MUCH more serious. If it had gotten her really bad in her eyes, or her mouth, or just in general, it would have had to be a trip to the vet. That stuff can be toxic to dogs, and burn them, and it COULD have had rabies, so the trip COULD have been one way. Alice has been pretty upset with us in the last 24 hours, because she hates baths, and has had SEVERAL, and been confined, which can get her very anxious too (a bad situation in her past I expect).

#2, Cale is on Vacation...I suppose it depends on who you talk to about that one, but I would be going crazy if he weren't here helping, either with cleaning or with Jake.

#3 We're doing a MASSIVE clean because we have no choice. I'm happy things are getting this clean, and odds are we would be sitting around watching netflix if we didn't HAVE to wash literally our whole house.

        I haven't cleaned like this since I was nesting, I'm just physically more capable than I was then.

        K, Luv Ya, Bye

         Nancy

Post 200

       

         I have officially hit 200 posts on this blog. Back when I started it, I had been sitting in the radio studio, stewing that they were after me to write a new blog post. The thing was, I really didn't want to. When I went on air, I had to think, will my listeners care about this? When I started my old blog, I started it for ME, and had been encouraged to use it and have my listeners read it, but it really stopped being mine, because they asked me to write about celebrity crap, honestly stuff I couldn't give two craps about. SO that blog died...which was unfortunate because it was also home to my anti-bully blog series, which I VERY MUCH cared about. So I started this blog, I called it Unclouded Spirit because I was trying to eliminate a lot of negativity from my life, and believe me, back then there was A LOT. I wanted to write for me, about things I cared about, stuff that my "listeners wouldn't care about". It's funny that was said because I post this blog on what was my radio fan page, and I get traffic from former listeners...maybe they do care...

          Anyway, lets get off the darker origins of my blog and onto the positive and often therapeutic place it is for me today. I wanted to talk about products and self care things I did or used when I started,but often found myself wondering, who actually cares what I'm posting (see that negativity found it's way in). I left the blog stagnant for a while, because I thought my opinions didn't matter to anyone but me, and who did I think I was posting like this? Then one September day, when I would typically start all my Christmas planning, I decided to do it all with my blog too. Because who did I think I was? Nancy Freakin Matheson, the Christmas FREAK. And if people didn't want to read, they didn't have to, I was going to do this because I wanted to. After Christmas, the blog went quiet again, because that was really all I thought I had to offer. There was the odd post between those two Christmases (is that the plural for Christmas?), but nothing substantial. I did take what I learned from the first year, polished it up and made for a better one in the second year (year three is getting more polished again, and a little more about kids).

        REALLY regular posts have become a thing for me, more in the last  months or so. Through my pregnancy, I found myself CONSTANTLY looking up stuff about others pregnancy's, mom hacks, things they never thought of for this and that, all these posts. If I agreed with them or not, I was interested, because I like to learn things, even if they're people's opinions, and come up with my own take. This is when I thought, hey, I should do some pregnancy blog posts. That being said, the majority of my pregnancy was during my Christmas posts that I was already pumping out 3 times a week, so I waited until I was done those. Then I posted, and I found them therapeutic. So after Jake was born, there was a gap, but I started mom posts, even though I thought I was doing EVERYTHING wrong, and I was the worlds WORST mom (some times I still feel like that), I was doing it for me. Not to mention I had an epiphany, the blogs I liked ready, or the vlogs I liked watching, the moms weren't trying to appear perfect. In fact, I wouldn't even get all the way through the ones that did try to give that vibe. Which gave me a greater epiphany, I don't need to give off the illusion of perfection for my blog. Guess what, there is an imperfect human typing this post right now...as a matter of fact a person who thinks she might be messed up a little, but it's okay, it's all okay.

        It took me a long time to get to 200 posts...I don't expect the next 200 will take as long...

        K, Luv Ya, Bye

        Nancy

One Year Ago

          One year ago today, my life changed forever. This post might give you the odd "tmi" moment, but here it is.

          One year ago today, I had just gotten a new order of ovulation strips (yup, right off the bat). My cycle was so all over the map, I couldn't use a kit, I couldn't time it right, not to mention, have you seen the price of those kits?! Nope I found a place online that sold just basic strips, something like 50 for $30. I had just gotten into my second order of them, and I was getting really frustrated. I had been using these daily some times twice daily for a while, that along with my EVERY morning routine, and EVERY night routine, the supplements, the dietary restrictions I had put on myself, the specific products I would use.

          Here I was, TRYING to time out my ovulation but I had been getting about a weeks worth of positive strips...I was wondering should I be concerned? Or did I have faulty strips? So I took to my typical place, on the what to expect when you're expecting, trying to conceive message board. I explained what happened and waited. Honestly from my experience now, that is the board with the fastest response time. Finally some one replied, and told me to take a pregnancy test. I had easily taken 50+ tests to date, and had seen more negatives than I would care to...so I was pretty jaded when it came to tests at this point, I never let myself get excited...especially since I had it written on the calendar a week later to take one. So I hit up my dollar store stash because lets face it, when you're testing THAT much, you only have the pricier ones if you think you got a positive. I sat on my bathroom floor, prepared to take a picture of the test, and post it with the title "Line eyes" on the message board, and hold my breath until some one replied. I really didn't need to, the line was very clear. Well cheapy passed, let's get out a good one, positive. Finally I grabbed the digital one, YES.

           Cale was waiting in the living room, to start the movie, Dr. Strange, no idea what I was doing. I snuck into our bedroom, and grabbed the box that I had prepared 4 months ago, to tell him, he was going to be a dad. I knew I wouldn't be able to wait to tell him, so I had this ready. If you ask him he will always tell you his reaction was because my timing was awful. Cale said, "are you serious" I told him, I couldn't fake a positive. "Cool, are we going to watch the movie now"?

          Yup, one year ago today, I found out I was going to be a mom. No idea if I would have a boy or girl (eventually I got the feeling, and I was right), no idea what the name would be, and DEFINITELY no sweet clue what he (or she..at the time) would look like. Today, I sit here typing this, tired after another wonderful day of giggles and smiles, cries and coos, listening to the music playing on the baby monitor.

         K, Luv Ya, Bye

          Nancy

       

Taking The Steps to Healthy

       

        In the last 4 months, my priorities have changed. I don't do for me anymore, I do for Jake, and that's why I need to take a long look at how I take care of myself, for my son. We'll get into that a little more later in the post, right now I'm going to get into why my mortality is becoming something that I'm thinking of.

        In just over a month, I will be older than my mom. That is a super weird sentence right, but my mom never saw her 32nd birthday, so there is that. I have found myself just grieving for her lately, not about her being gone, that will never go away, but actually in pain for HER. What she missed, and what she knew she was going to miss, it kills me now because I couldn't imagine not being there for Jake. Not that my mother taking care of herself better would have changed her fate, but it could have for my father.

       In my head my dad was invincible, and STILL he went way earlier than he should have and I feel pain for him, because he's missing his grandson, and he SO wanted to be a grandfather. The health issues that took my father, could potentially get to me, but THOSE I can fight.

      I would like to get away from the grim part of this post at this point, I need to start focusing on taking better care of myself. After my pregnancy the weight dropped off me, but suddenly all the food restrictions were lifted, while exercise ones were implemented. I'm back to my pregnancy weight, which isn't horrible because in my pregnancy, I only gained 15lbs, but it has be saying "enough is enough".

      I don't actually want to focus on the scale though. I only look at it because I'm well over where I should be. I want to be healthier so I can keep up with Jake, and be there  for him when he needs me. The other thing I need to be careful of is how quickly I lose weight because I'm still breastfeeding, and dropping TOO quickly, or not taking in ENOUGH calories, it could seriously harm my supply.

      So I'm taking it slow, with a walk daily with Jake. A little bit of weight training as well. As far as diet goes, I'm focusing on foods that help boost milk supply. These are still healthy foods, they're nutrient dense, and maybe they won't cut the calories as quickly as some other foods, but they're what I need to do, for now.

     So while I feel like this will be more of a personal journey, this post is acting as, well my personal declaration to tackle this, not even for me, for Jake

       K, luv ya, Bye

       Nancy