Post for Papa Bear

         

For the last several years, this has been the hardest day of the year for me. Today marks 7 years since we had to say goodbye to my dad.

          I woke up this morning and did what I normally do with Jake  and I was very excited to go to his very first advent calendar for the very first time, until it made me realize what today was. This being said the greatest thing to ever happen to me was sitting in my arms smiling at me. I fought back the tears, as I have more than once in the last 2 years knowing my son will never know one of the greatest men I will ever know, and the man who played probably the most pivotal role in my life.  But at the same time, Jake has made me have more pride and respect for my dad than I had before, which was already an astronomical amount.

         In becoming a parent I've discovered it's the hardest thing I've ever done, and still the most rewarding. I finally know what it was my dad felt for my brother and I and it's indescribable. Over the years, I've heard people say, they don't know how you did it, and I agree with them. But now I know what pushed you to.

         As much as it hurts you're not here to see your grandson, I've seen you in him. When his eyes were changing all the time it reminded me of you, and the steel blue he landed on still reminds me of you. There is the odd grin that I see of yours too. While he may not know you dad, you're part of him, and I'm glad I can see that. I love you daddy and still miss you so much.