Book Report #1 Lena Dunham's, Not that Kind of Girl

       

  I decided when I finished my books I would do a book report here on my blog. Prior to going out and purchasing new additions to my library, I had a look at what I already owned and had committed to reading. So the first book was Lena Dunham's not that kind of girl, and I should have read it when I bought it. It's the kind of book I would recommend to a 22 year old who goes out on the weekends, not so much a 32 year old whose idea of a great Saturday night includes pajamas. The book was well written, I enjoy the way Lena Dunham speaks, and would love to read a book she would write now, but some of the stuff I had to wade through, made me not miss being in my 20's at all.

         That being said there were topics brought up, that in today's post Harvey Weinstein scandal society, that would probably not have been treated so casually, and some things celebrated more.

         I found the chapters on sexual discovery vulgar, and cringed realizing how old I've gotten, because that 22 year old inside me would have gobbled it up and not batted an eye.

          My verdict, as the box progressed and our narrator grew, I felt more at home, less like I was watching a somewhat cautionary tale. I wouldn't recommend this to my friend down the street, but maybe to her younger cousin fresh out of high school.

        K, Luv Ya, Bye!

        Nancy

Why I didn't Wait...

         

          So I guess the typical norm when you get pregnant is to wait 12 weeks to announce the pregnancy, in case you lose the baby. Well making it Facebook official, we did wait, and we SORT OF waited a bit with others, not because we meant to, but because I was further along than we thought. But I feel like the logic behind "don't tell, because you might lose the baby", is seriously flawed. I don't mean to stomp on you if that's what you were comfortable doing, but I don't know that I could have. I told work right away, so they would understand if I had to run off the floor to be sick ( luckily I only got sick a couple times), or something happened, and I did have to go to the hospital within what I THOUGHT was the first 4 weeks (it was actually like 8).

           I love to start this story with, do you remember the big phone outage in the summer of 2017? Two thirds of the providers in Atlantic canada were down, and I don't just mean cell phones, land lines too...that's the day I was at work and worried I was having a miscarriage. Luckily, I work across the parking lot from where Cale works. They tend to move a little faster at the hospital when you say "I'm pregnant" (faster when they see the evidence, and if you say "i'm going to labour and delivery, you jump to the front of the line).

            Needless to say, I didn't have a miscarriage, what's more they got my first appointment moved up, AND brought in a cheapy ultrasound machine (in comparison only I'm sure), and told me where we were we probably wouldn't see anything. This is where we found out I was further along because I fought back tears when I saw his little heartbeat (I actually cried when I heard it the first time).

             So here is why I told people. If we'd gone in and they said, "yup, you lost the baby", that would have devastated me. It seems all too often society tells us to suffer in silence, and for some  maybe that works. But we've also started shining a light on why it really doesn't too. I couldn't have suffered in silence. I can't say for sure what the extent of the damage would've been, but it would have been bad. This is why, even if I had 15 kids, I wouldn't keep it quiet. I would tell people, quietly, and my way before it was broadcast for all to see on Facebook, but I would share it.

         K, Luv Ya, Bye

         Nancy

To Be there for Jake, I have to work on Me!

         

Getting my Super suit ready 

          All routines have to start somewhere right? I am weeks away from returning to work, and routine seems to be the buzz word around here. I've always tried for something resembling a routine with Jake, but it's always had to be flexible, because the first year has so many wenches it can throw in the works. However the last couple weeks has basically all been about getting us ready for when I go back to work. Most of the focus has been on Jake, when in reality, both Cale and I have some adjustments too. 

          I took a step back the other night and thought, what do I want MY life to look like when I return to work? Looking at myself isn't really something I have been doing in the last 10 months. I have always covered Jake, and when there was time I would shower, or eat, or get dressed. Somehow I don't see work being okay with me showing up in the sweats I put on two days ago, and my hair looking like...well how it did a couple days ago.

          So I evaluated, and one thing I want is to be able to work during the day, and come home and spend my evening with Jake. On days I work, I'm going to see him for about 4 hours...I'd like the time to be quality. For my energy to go up, I have to do something I have neglected for months and take better care of myself. Pleased to say in the last week, I have exercised 4 out of 6 days (the other 2 I was in recovery). The problem is it was mostly during naps...I won't be home for naps...yesterday I got up an hour before I would need to get Jake out of bed on a work day. I got up, exercised, and got myself almost completely ready before getting him out of bed, and it worked SO well. Jake has (knock on wood) started sleeping in later, so his former wake up time of 6am (which I used to struggle with), is the perfect time to get my day started. I still have a little time but, it's all becoming more real, because I've been chatting with work about my return far more frequently here lately.

Reading List Challenge

           

How fair is it? I'm weeks away from returning to work  and I'm just figuring out time management?! I have been thinking on how to keep up my self care habits when I go back to work, so we'll see. I got to thinking today though, I'm working on developments I  several aspects, but I haven't focused a lot on personal development. I actually really enjoy reading...but I can't seem to remember the last book I read cover to cover...I expect it was a walking dead comic... so I took to pinterest and made myself a reading list board. I thought one a month was possible...here is what I came up with.

1. Not that kind of girl by Lena Dunham...honestly my first stop was my bookshelf, and this is an incomplete in my collection. This spoke to me as a 20 something, but i don't know what I'll take away from it as a 32 year old...we'll see.

2. Yes Please by Amy Poehler. This is another incomplete on my shelf, but I feel like it will still be relevant. I love Amy Poehler, she speaks to me so I'm looking forward to it.

3. You Are a Badass by Jen Scincero. I bought this as an ibook a couple years ago, and started reading it during my breaks at work. I just seem to work better with hard copy book. I absorb them better...also I'm android now...so

4. Eat that Frog by Brian Tracy. So I heard about this one from my favorite youtuber, and then it popped up in my book search too, so it found it's way to my list.

5. Radical Self Love by Gala Darling. This was on my search and jumped out at me because I used to check out Gala Darling's website all the time. She has such a wonderful way about her. I remember when she released this book...add to list.

6. Kind is the new Classy by Candice Cameron Bure...perhaps I'm still working the Hallmark Christmas specials out my system, it could also be my Full House nostalgia, but this one is on my list. She as a person fascinates me. I may not agree with everything she publicly speaks on, but I dig hearing what she has to say.

7. Grace Not Perfection by Emily Ley. In a world that seems to demand perfection from us as a people, the title alone spoke to  me...the hot pink cover popped out ( I wonder if that was on purpose)

8. How to Manage Your Home Without Losing Your Mind by Dana k White. Even when I am on top of everything in my home, I feel like either something is secretly lurking behind a closed door....or everything is about to topple over...yup, sounds good.

9. Start where You Are by Meera Lee Patel. So this is actually an journaling concept book, and I blog, I make lists, I keep notebooks. Journaling seems like a great fit, and prompted journaling makes you dig a little deeper

10. Adventures for your Soul by Shannon Kaiser. This is another one that gets you to take a deeper look at yourself.

11. The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. I think it's safe to say that at some point or another, most of us have believed the opposite to be true. The book is said to help you let go of fear of the unknown...which personally can keep me up at night.

12. The Princess Diariest by Carrie Fisher. While I feel like this book requires no explanation...I also feel like I could give the greatest explanation for this one. I love Star Wars and Princess Leia is my Disney Princess. To this day, my heart breaks knowing Carrie Fisher is no longer in this world. She was outspoken, strong and had a wonderful sense of humor.

        So that's my list. I challenge you to make your own. Pinterest is a great resource for finding the types of books that might speak to you, and to save them for you for the next time you're wondering what to read.

        K, Luv Ya, Bye!
        Nacy

The Last Time

       

 Today was the last time. Back when Cale and I first started dating, I was never having kids...and he used to joke ( I think) that I was a nice queen. I wasn't affectionate, and I never cried. While I think the thaw started before Jake, the plan to nurse him was logical, and economical, not emotional at all. I just thought, my body makes his sustenance, if I could help it, why would I pay for it to come from another source? I wonder where this mindset was this morning when I cried when he finished, smiled at me and said " ah dun"? Because all I could do was bawl my eyes out and hold him.

          Don't get me wrong  part of me is dancing a jig. Breastfeeding was a struggle for me in the beginning, it took 7 weeks for Jake to latch and 8 for him to do it without hurting me. The struggle of trying to always be somewhere private to feed (if you can haul out a boob and go, good on you, I can't). The pumping, the supply issues, that in the night only I could feed him. These are all things, I won't miss.

          This morning all I could think of was the way he looks up at me, or reaches out his hand, or grabs my finger. More recently how he high gives me and when I tell him good job he smiles. Or that last pop off with the "ah dun". Those are the things that went through my head as the tears poured out. It's not our first chapter to end, it's not the first I cried for and it won't be the last...like on either account. Somehow this one hits a little harder and I might do another post or two on the subject.

           K, Luv Ya, Bye
           Nancy

Just part of our busy week

       

Last year this time I had complete tunnel vision. All I could think of was my little man coming in about 2 months (little did I know less than 2). Everything was about getting the nursery ready and packing the hospital bag.  Jake has taught me a lot of things and one of them is to live more in the moment and focus less on what's next...key word being less.

         Needless to say, my mind has gone to little man's first Birthday. I decided to approach it in a similar way I approach Christmas, so I have my to do list and we've started ticking things off.

          Last week, I did some legwork and called around for a hall. Keeping in mind that when you invite one member of a family, you invite them all at this age...the guest list is substantial so a hall is a better call for sure. We're going to look at some this week.

          I'm keeping the menu simple, and approaching the grocery shopping like I do with Christmas grocery shopping, and we handled hotdogs and pop on sale this week. I also grabbed the tableware.

          Jake turned 10 months this past week, hitting double digits made me very aware how much time had passed.

         K, Luv Ya, Bye!

         Nancy.

The Disappearing Nursing Act

    

  I mentioned before that I'm changing the Christmas posts next year, and one of the reasons why is because they become all consuming  and I have other things to talk about on my blog.  This is a post I could have started talking about in early December when we started. I'm talking about weaning.

       This is a topic that I have seriously mixed feelings about. Jake took 7 weeks to latch to nurse, and he stayed there for another three straight. It was a real struggle for me in the beginning, because I felt defeated and then I had pretty severe baby blues...still  or convinced I didn't have ppd. I still found it restrictive at times, but for the same reasons I would have found formula restrictive, frequency.

          Because I am barely over one month away from returning to work, we have been working on weaning a while, and had Jake down to nursing only first thing in the morning, and right before bed  with sessions overnight when needed. We hit this before Christmas, and I just lost it. I sat here one night crying to Cale that I wasn't ready to give up my bedtime feed yet. I won't always be home for bedtime, so I knew I would have to give it up, and I did two nights ago. I will continue on demand over night for now, but during the day, I only have our first thing in the morning session. I still have seriously mixed feelings about this, I miss parts of exclusively breastfeeding, but it's liberating too. Not to mention I love watching Jake learn.

           This is honestly one of the harder milestones for mom, but I'm so proud to watch Jake move forward.

Climbing out of the Chaos

        

          We're trying to reclaim our house from the holiday season, slowly but we're getting there. Cale did an amazing job on our kitchen last night, which was amazing. I felt like the kitchen was eating us alive, and this morning was so easy. Everything was organized, and my coffee maker I got for Christmas had a pot of coffee ready to go still warm from Cale brewing it at 5am.

         Meanwhile, since we spend most of our time in the basement, I've been trying to reclaim it. It was Jake's first Christmas, so I figured we would officially be overrun by toys, and the family did not disappoint. Our old tote didn't contain the collection that was Jake's toys.

          Because neccisty is the mother of invention, I did what most moms would do...I went on pinterest...aka mom porn. What I came up with was two toy bins that slide under the futon, and I  had all of the supplies in my house already.

          A couple of mismatched sheets, a hot glue gun, and the boxes from Halloween we never got rid of and we got these...we still have large toy parking by the pack n play, but the smaller things are contained. Biggest drawback I see with these is Jake leans on them, and I watch them bend. I will likely look into a toybox by March, because we'll be celebrating a birthday then.

After Christmas finds

          

A lot of stores are still trying to clear out of their holiday items, and if you haven't already checked out some of the sales, I so recommend it. We've gotten a few things  and honestly I was shocked when I went into Michael's today at how much out local store has left!

          Let's go back a couple days. We do a lot of our grocery shopping at Walmart  because we get Cale's discount, and I know how easy it is to price match there. Since about October every trip has included a stop in the seasonal department, and our last trip was no exception, the biggest difference was there were about a bajillion Easter egg coloured totes (sorry folks the white stuff has only just begun). We found a tree for $10. Needless to say it has no bells and whistles, and is 4.5ft, but it was what we needed. Having moved into the basement this year, Cale missed a tree in our livingroom window. We had a 2ft tree I had since I was 6 (it owes  me nothing), but next year we can put our 4.5 footer on the table in the window.

          Today, it was Michael's  who have their items 70% off. I love their decorations, but unless I could think of where to put them I wasn't interested.

         My advice at this point in the game, go out with realistic expectations, and be practical. I've seen boots for years, I guess you would call a planter or vase, artificial poinsettias and pics I like to pull apart and use as accents. Now is also a great time to grab lights and garland should you need them. I also spotted the hooks we usually use for hanging the  lights on the house and they were $2...