As it has been seven nights, I have officially moved the pack and play out, and taken back our room. Something I must confess, I can be painfully insecure, and when it comes to being a mom, that can seriously be an area that I get really worried about. In the beginning of motherhood, I'm not sure I would have survived without internet access. I was looking stuff up constantly and if something went a little sideways, I was failing as a mom. I also suffered with this in silence, which is not good. I researched the crap out of every little thing. It was at about the four month mark, that started to calm down. I still read stuff, and get ideas, but around four months I started to be okay with it if things didn't go as they were supposed to. At five months I started to understand, okay well with Jake maybe it would work better if I tried this. As we approach six, I realize that what everyone online has been saying is true, I know what's best for my son. I'm not saying I'm perfect, oh god no, far from it. But there is literally no one on this planet who knows this kid as well as I do (sorry Cale, but you are a close second). This realization came to me over this last week.
If you are a pinterest mom, you have probably started researching one thing, and ended up researching things you didn't even know were things. I have MANY times, but the problem with it is you could be potentially making up a problem in your head, that's not even actually a problem. For a few weeks now I thought Jake was ready for his crib, but pinterest had shown me all these different ways to transition your baby properly to their crib, so in my head I had to master one of these methods. I was being held back by an issue I wasn't ready to deal with, all the while my son was not liking the pack and play anymore. And then I did the unthinkable, I decided to dive in head first, we were going to try him in his crib that night, and that was that. I DID look for reassurance, not from the internet where everything is true and you should never question it, but from a friend who I know and trust, and like me wants the best for Jake...weird right?
Turns out my gut instinct was right, Jake does SO well in his crib compared to his pack and play, we really haven't had any issues thus far...with him. Okay so the first night I may have bawled my eyes out when the pack and play laid empty next to me. I may have had little to no sleep because I watched the monitor, while the kid slept through the night. I will say this though, even the handful of times I have had to get up with him, they have gone pretty smooth, and I'm not disrupting Cale's sleep anymore.
The moral of the story is I'm trusting myself as a mother, FINALLY! I'm not thinking I ALWAYS will, and I'll ALWAYS be right, because who is. What I am saying is I'm doing pretty damn good for my kid.
K, Luv Ya, Bye!
Nancy
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