Mom Post #3, Emotional Roller-coaster

     

My last post was when my son was two weeks old...and here we are 3 days away from being a month old. I finally feel like I'm not about to self-destruct. We bought a ton of stuff and did all these things that was just us getting ready for his arrival, and when he got here, we realized just how much we weren't even close to ready for.

      I'm not talking about the countless runs to the store Cale had to make, hoping he was getting the right thing. I'm talking about the emotional toll.I had heard about baby blues, and postpartum depression, but couldn't wrap my head around what it would feel like. It took nothing to make me stress, or cry, and I was desperate to achieve some sort of rhythm. I felt like I was struggling to keep my head above water, except instead of drowning, I would do wrong by my son, which was far worse in my head.

     I needed stability, and comfort, and the support system that I've had. I don't want to say I'm not emotional anymore, because I can still look at him and burst into tears. I've accepted that one is probably sticking around. When I cry now I know why, and I think I'm likely to be stuck with these easily disturbed emotions, but I don't feel like I'm drowning anymore.

    This all being said, I get emotional when I look at my son, and see the things he's trying to do now, and as I pack up his newborn clothes. I still have a hard time believing, I'm a mom now, and I'm so lucky that this is my amazing kid. But we're all learning together.