My Not New Years Resolution.

     It's New Years Eve and with a new Year comes those resolutions. I tend to make similar ones every year, all to do with health, and every year there comes a point, where it stops. I DID have one year, I decided to lose weight, and I ACTUALLY did it. The problem was, once I lost it, I stopped paying attention. And it's not even that everything I did was actually healthy, in fact I think some of it may have been really NOT healthy.

    So what makes this year any different? I dunno, don't we all have that delusion that THIS is the year? I supposed that's a pessimistic way of looking at it. The more positive option would be to come up with a game plan. Which I did.

    For starters lets start with my confession, I'm totally a pinterest junkie. So of course I have boards dedicated to health (or 5 boards...I have 5....).  From Pinterest you can get overwhelmed by the MASSIVE amounts of information being thrown at you. Here is the Paleo diet, These foods detoxify your skin, Here is the exercise routine to match up with your favorite TV show! So now you have this pile of potential knowledge and don't know what to do with it.

    I think another issue many of us have, is we try and do EVERYTHING at once. Where making myself healthier is my goal, I have to be realistic here. This isn't a quick fix thing, this is an ongoing thing I will have to make part of my routine, how can I expect to change EVERYTHING all at once? So instead I've been attempting to wrap my head around the solid fact, I have to take this one step at a time. Slowly introduce my changes. Another thing I've had to wrap my head around, this isn't a New Years resolution. The New year marks my jumping off point, because it seems like a natural starting point, but it has to be an ongoing thing.

    Aside from this being my blog, and I can basically write whatever I want here, I'm writing this selfishly for another reason. Accountability. I've revealed what I'm doing, to whoever decides to read this. Really such a stupid thing, but there it is, human nature, we don't want people to see us fail.

    So where do I plan on starting? With a cleanse. I'm by no means a nutritionist, or doctor, so I don't know how this will work for others, but I've done this one before, and I did like how I felt after. So starting Saturday (because I'm going to a party tonight and plan on being lazy tomorrow) I'm going to begin the GM 7 Day cleanse. That is all I'm taking on right off the bat. I do have some stuff in mind for down the road, but I'm not sure which way I'm going with it just yet. Will likely continue to post about it though.

Accepting Christmas as an Adult

   
I'm sitting here about an hour before Christmas, and finally feeling it. I love Christmas, ask anyone who knows me. But the last two years, I've had a hard time feeling it. I'll chalk a good portion of it up to losing my father. It was 3 years ago I did, but the first year, I think it was maybe too close to Christmas for it to have actually set in.

     As a child, Christmas basically revolved around dad, he was the big present I bought every year, and he was the one I gave a Christmas list to every year. I was 25 3 years ago, so I was an adult, but up until that point, I had dad, so I was still able to face Christmas as a child. Without my dad, I have no choice, I have to face it as an adult.

     Up until just a few days ago, I was quite down about this holiday season, until I got the words of wisdom from my Uncle (he does this a lot). He told me I needed to take a step back and count my blessings, and let me tell you, I have plenty of them, he also reminded me it's all what I make it . So this was a good start. Then I took another step back and asked myself, what Christmas meant to me. The answer is love. That's the whole thing right? What you believe or don't believe, that's what the entire holiday is about right? I look at the Christmas cards I've received, they're love. I look under my tree, and see the exchange of love. The memories, that some times make me cry, are happy ones, and full of love.


     I remember as a kid, when we didn't have a white Christmas, it got me down. We are without a doubt not going to have a White one this year. But then I watched Rudolph, and yes, Rudolph helped me through this. I'm not sure if you remember how Santa said in the movie, that they were going to have to cancel Christmas because of the weather. Even as a kid, I used to think, Santa, you just work here, you can't cancel Christmas. If Santa, who is the mega mascot of the season doesn't have that power, why should the weather.

     So as I type this, now, 15 min before Christmas, I'm in the Christmas spirit. I've stopped and found all the ways I'm absolutely blessed. This and my husband, my dog and I have done things to enjoy our Christmas eve this evening. I'm feeling the Christmas spirit, and I'm happy, without all the requirements I had as a child. I'm here, as an adult, enjoying this evening with my heart. I'm not sure what tomorrow will have for us, but wanted to take the time to write this blog this evening, to share (as late as it has been) to share what I've happily accepted this year, and of course to wish you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas

My Relationship with Dresses

     I've never been a Huge fan of dresses. I'm pretty sure I assaulter my mother as a toddler in her attempt to put one on me, and there was more than one Sunday morning shouting match with my grandmother over the years, when she tried to get me to wear one to church. I like jeans, I've always liked jeans. I remember at 7 years old, how comfortable I felt wearing jeans. You can move more freely in jeans, and they're tougher. I just have more confidence in Jeans.

    My prom night, we had our prom and safe grad in the same place, so we all had our bags with our change of clothes for later in the night there...I was legitimately the FIRST person to change into their regular clothes, my jeans. My classmates, were in Gowns and Suits, I was in my jeans, and I was completely fine with that.

   

    Why do I post this? Well, I was at a work event this evening, where I decided to wear, a dress.

     And EVERYONE at work knew how out of my element I felt. Is it because I still very much have my tom-boy streak? No, couldn't be (Though I REALLY do), because if THAT were the case, I wouldn't own dresses,  and I do, this one for example is one I thought was just SO pretty, hubs bought it for me last year for Christmas. Well I finally had a place to wear it, so I did. I get back to the station after the event, and no, I didn't bring a pair of jeans with me. I decided, this was what I was going to wear for the rest of my show... but I didn't have to put up with the tights anymore.

    Suddenly I wasn't uncomfortable anymore. I'm sitting here, typing this, in this dress, completely comfortable. Why? It's not incredibly short, or tight (neither were the ones when I was a kid, but that was a different phase). I can move and bend without worry. I sit weird, and that may be part of my issue with dresses and skirts, but I can sit weird in this...did I find a dress I could actually have a relationship with?! I may have!

My Merry Christmas Wish for You

     Well here we are one week before Christmas eve... I've started writing this post and stopped more times than I can count ( not the Christmas Eve part, just in general). For several different reasons, one very dominant reason is because I have been done my shopping for a while. Yes I'm THAT person, but if it makes you feel any better this year I've become the person who isn't done all of their wrapping, for one of the CHEESIEST reasons. Ready for this? I'm not done wrapping my dog's gifts because I'm with her ALL the time when I'm home... I need like 15 min an I'm good lol.

     I still love Christmas, in similar ways I did as a child. When I used to shop for my dad, it was a big deal. My uncle would take me shopping and it would be a whole big night, and a tradition we did every year. He still loves Christmas too, so this might be why I still enjoy it the way I do. He also taught me to shop all year (yes I'm THAT person). I remember one year My dad took my brother and I to the Boxing day sales, and we were so excited we got ALL of our extended family members done for next year. I like to remember the traditions from my childhood, they're what makes me feel like Christmas. Unfortunately, a lot of them are gone now. My dad has passed away, and my family has gotten older and we have made our own traditions. I with my husband, and my brother with his wife. I've held onto some of the traditions from when I was a kid. I still go out for a Drive looking at the lights ( we've moved it to Christmas eve though), and I still have the Christmas eve dinner I had as a kid. But most of my traditions revolve around the holiday dates themselves... so even though I was wrapping my gifts listening to the Boney M Christmas album (as tradition goes) and I watched the Muppets family Christmas my brother put on DVD for me (because it was always the first Christmas special we watched EVERY year), I wasn't feeling it.


     I wasn't feeling it until this past weekend, when I saw my family, and memories of Christmases from the years came flooding back (mostly good, but the odd bad). I love that my brother had the ceramic tree and plum puddin place out  ( that was our dad's Christmas village). And though our Uncle has moved, it was still like walking into his place when we were kids. He had his Christmas music playing (Boney M and his fave Anne Murray), it was all decorated and I could smell the pasties cooking. It got loud, there was a lot of laughter, and that was always Christmas.


     I also got to visit with my Nanny, and that was wonderful. She's the last grandparent I have and she's always been special to me. We chatted and laughed and she had her ceramic tree out too (because I think everyone in my family had one). She can't do Christmas like she used to, and yet, it still felt like it.


    I guess the moral of my story is, Christmas to me, is my family. The loud laughing fits, and the quiet chats. The memories of the past, and the ones that we make. I swear I'm not trying to be all "holier than thou" here, but I'm sharing this so maybe some one can take a step back from the chaos, take a deep breath, and remember what this holiday is all about. We go out and buy those pricey items, and it shouldn't be obligatory, it should be because we want to, to put a smile on that persons face and make them feel loved. And it shouldn't be valued by the price tag, because it's not about that. It's about you taking the time to care about some one and love some one, so you want to get them this gift, big or small, as a token of that affection... I know I just got super preachy... but that's what we were all taught this holiday was about wasn't it? When did we as a society lose that? That's the kind of Christmas I wish for you, keep that spirit in your heart, and share it where you can.